


My Dinner with Five

by thefudge



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Family Feels, Love/Hate, M/M, Sibling Bonding, Timeline What Timeline, oops i made myself misty eyed, ost: till the end of time by devotchka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 06:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18441356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefudge/pseuds/thefudge
Summary: "I missed ya, Cinco."





	My Dinner with Five

**Author's Note:**

> OH BOY. did i play myself. more like gut myself. the title is a play on "My Dinner with Andre" and just like that movie, I really didn't expect all these emotions. anyway, enjoy! 
> 
> (no. 9 in my quest to write all the TUA ships in existence. probably)
> 
> (oh yeah, i mess with canon a little bit)

The flask is engraved rather crudely _Delores_. Five pours copious amounts of it into his milkshake. 

"Dude. That's nasty." 

"Oh, I've had nastier," Five remarks without inflection, licking the frosting. 

"During the apocalypse, you mean?" Diego presumes, tipping the beer to his mouth. 

"During the 1950s," Five corrects, wiping his mouth. 

Diego smiles, but it's always with a half-grimace with his brother. You have to watch your words around him. 

"You don't talk much about your time with those nut jobs." 

"You've summed them up pretty well, actually." He shrugs. "There's not much else to say." 

Diego would disagree, but he knows better. He resents having to tread on eggshells around this boy genius. Hell, didn't they grow up together up to a certain point? This shouldn't be so hard. 

He reminds himself this whole "liquid dinner" thing was Five's idea. 

"So," Five starts. "As long as we're drinking and building a false sense of intimacy, why don't you tell me more about your lady cop?" 

Diego's hand stills on the beer. Yeah, this is gonna be hard. 

He struggles to keep his tone neutral. "You mean the one who died?"

Five, in his contumely fashion, smiles. "The very same."

Diego rubs his forehead. "Didn't we already have this c-conversation?" 

Shit, he's not supposed to stutter about this. But that's exactly how it works, doesn't it? If he tries to control it, it pops up. 

"Yeah, but all I recall is you talking about her physical appurtenances," Five replies. "Oh, and the fact that she believes the _best_ of people. That's kind of vague, don't you think? Peace Corps volunteers would say the same thing."

Diego leans back in his chair. The diner is crowded enough that his voice doesn't carry very far, but he still doesn't want to say these things out loud. The wound is still fresh and he's never been good at translating feelings into words. He's like a bull in a china shop.

"What do you wanna know?" he asks instead.

Five gulps down more vodka-laced milkshake. "How did you two meet?"

Oh, this is easy. Diego talks about the police academy for a while. 

"She was the best in my year. I was...maybe third tier. Still, we shared some uhhh _frustrations_ about the system. We made a vow never to let the higher-ups change us when we joined the p-precinct." 

"And let me guess," Five pipes up. "She did change."

Diego smiles fondly. 

"Nah, that's just it. She found a way to work around it. Be herself and work with the law."

Five cocks his head. "Do you think this is a family trait?"

"Huh?"

"Being unable to follow the law. None of us have proved very good at it." 

Diego scratches the bald strip of his scar. "Maybe. I - I guess it could've never really worked out between us, in the end."

Five makes a noncommittal sound. "It never works out between anyone. It can't. Most people only get one try at a relationship. _Most_ people."

Diego fixes him with a pointed look. "Gonna rub it in my face how you're not 'most people' ?"

"Mmm, I don't need to," and he slurps noisily from his glass, making Diego want to clench his fingers under the table. Five loves to play with people, but he also _doesn't_. That's the maddening contradiction. Diego would be angrier if his brother was being malicious. But nine times out of ten he's just saying what he really thinks. 

"My point is," Five goes on, "your relationship may still be salvageable. You just have to give it a few more tries."

Diego raps his fingers against the table. "Haha, very funny."

"I'm rarely funny and this is not one of those times. I mean it. I could give you another shot. Or several, depending on how much you screw up. It's all trial and error anyway." 

Diego shakes his head. "Stop it."

"Stop what? Don't you want to see Eleanor again?"

" _Eudora,"_ he almost growls. 

Five is not fazed.  "Apologies. Eudora. Well, don't you?"

Diego exhales. The sluggish country music playing on the speakers, the shuffle of the waitress' slippers back and forth, the noisy blubber of the coffee-maker, they all put him on edge. "Is this a test or something?"

"A test? No, more like a favor." 

"A favor? What, you feel s-sorry for me?"

Five frowns. "I guess I want to make up to you for some of the stuff I've said." 

Diego stares at him in disbelief. 

Five heaves a sigh. "Like that one time I may have implied you're stupid."

"Nah. You didn't imply it, you _said_ it."

"See? I'm trying to make amends. What are brothers for?" and he shakes his little flask at him. 

Diego doesn't like it. He realizes with a jolt he prefers asshole Five, because asshole Five may be a little shit, but he knows where he stands with him. 

"Let me get this straight. You're saying..."

"I'll send you back into the past, no problem." Five nods. "And you get to try again with Eudora."

Diego leans forward. "Wait...why not just go back and prevent her murder?"

Five makes a face. "Mmm. Why, though?"

Diego splutters. " _Why_? Jesus, if you have to ask..."

"Isn't it better to start fresh?" he questions innocently.

Diego lifts his chin. "Why don't you throw away that flask? Get a new one, start fresh."

Five stares at Delores' name. The calligraphy is atrocious, but it was carved lovingly. He mulls on it for a moment. "Ah, I see. No, I see it now."

Diego shakes his head. It's a wonder his brother was attached to something in the first place. 

"But either way, preventing her murder would be tricky," Five resumes, looking up at him. "I mean beyond the fact that the Handler would rip my not yet fully developed nut-sack...Eudora not dying might interfere with events leading up to the apocalypse." 

" _So_? Who the fuck cares?" 

"You mean about the fate of the world versus your girlfriend's? I'd say a lot of people _care_."

Diego puts down his beer. "Listen, this has been a whole lot of _fun_ , but I think we should call it a night. Got a busy day tomorrow." 

Five looks almost disappointed for a moment. "Do you?"

"Uh-huh." 

"You don't want to try again with her, though?" 

"You don't get it and you never will. The time you have with that person...it happens only once. It's special and it's _done_. The second time is different, it's not the same." 

He fishes for some dollars and dumps them on the table. He's about to get up when Five speaks up.

"Oh. Then I suppose there's no point in my having returned, is there?" 

Diego is thrown off. "What d'you mean?" 

"Well. If only the first time around counts, if that's the special one then...I guess it doesn't matter." 

_Oh._

Diego sits down. He may not be as sharp as his brother, but he's quick to understand. 

"Hey...I didn't mean...that's not...it doesn't apply to you."

"No? You made it sound pretty universal."

Diego suddenly feels shamefaced even though it's Five who should be apologizing. 

_He's a kid. He's your kid brother. He's been alone for fifty years._

"You shouldn't listen to what I say."

Five shrugs. "It would be impolite of me to sit here and pretend not to listen."

Diego could say, _yeah well, you've done it before._

But he doesn't. He reaches forward. 

"Can I see the flask?"

Five is taken aback. He eyes him suspiciously. "What do you want it for?"

"I just wanna hold it."

"...all right."

He doesn't give it up easily.

"Here, we'll both hold it." Diego offers his empty palm.

Five reluctantly places the flask there. Keeps his hand on it. 

They sit like that for several moments, Diego looking down at his brother's fingers. "When did you carve her name?"

"I think I was twenty-two," Five replies slowly. 

"Yeah...we do stupid shit when we're twenty-two."

"Hey!"

But they both manage to smile, to _genuinely_ smile, like sharing a private joke. 

"I missed ya, _Cinco_." 

Five startles. He almost retracts his hand. "Oh God. You still remember that." 

Diego laughs. "Sure do." 

It was Diego's small revenge every time Five cheated during drills. _Hey, Cinco de Mayooooo!_ It was meant to be a _devastating_ insult but it slowly morphed into an affectionate nickname. 

_Wait up, Cinco!_

"I, uh...after you disappeared I felt bad about the name. I said sorry, hoping you'd come b-back." 

Five bites his lip. "Wish I'd seen that." 

"Yeah, I looked like an idiot."

They smile again. It marks the second time they've ever done it. 

"My offer still stands..." Five trails off. "But I'm sorry about Eudora."

"Thanks." _You know, I stopped myself from killing Cha-Cha because I remembered what you said. Your voice was in my head. You were right. Eudora wouldn't have wanted me to do it._ This is what he wants to say, but Diego's never been good with emotions. Bull in a china shop and all that.

"Sorry about Delores," he offers instead. 

"Oh, that's all right. She's still alive. Just...not mine anymore." 

"Still hurts, though," Diego counters. 

"Still hurts," his brother agrees. 

And they leave it there, untouched. 

"I know I can't stop you," Diego says, "but if you ever travel that far, leave a note, okay?" 

Five nods. "Might have to leave instructions too. You guys are clearly lost without me."

And that marks the third smile. There's even a chuckle in it. 

Diego orders him another milkshake and he gets some apple pie for himself. 

"Don't you have a busy day tomorrow?" Five drawls.

"I'm my own boss, aren't I?" Diego brags with a grin. 

Five rolls his eyes.

Yeah, he's missed the idiot. 

 


End file.
